he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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