were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
