If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
