if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
