I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
