By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
