Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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