Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
