I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
