So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
