My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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