i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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