there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
