Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
