haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
