Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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