why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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