If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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