1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
as a side note pls kill me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
