You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize