I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize