I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
