I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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