Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
