he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
