Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
