Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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