Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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