You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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