Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
