Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
