Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
