shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
