Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
