Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
