I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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