i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
