He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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