No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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