Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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