i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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