I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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