I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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