It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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