You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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