you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
