you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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