I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
