its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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