i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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