This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
