oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
