I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
