Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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