I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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