are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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