Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
