He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
