I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
