I wannas sexs uuuuu
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
