He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
