sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize