I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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