..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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