Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
