how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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