we're blogging at a bar
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Couch. On fire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
