You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
