At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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