I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
