matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize