just come out here and I will go home with you...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
