he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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