Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
