I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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